I Don’t Want to Do Anything – What’s Wrong with Me?

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By Marie Miguel

There are times in our lives when we feel down, and we can’t figure out what the source of the problem is. There’s a difference between feeling sad and being depressed. When you don’t want to do anything – not even simple things that you enjoy – there’s a problem. When you find yourself with no motivation, it’s time to seek help because you may be depressed. When you’re thinking “I don’t want to do anything,” there’s something inside of you that’s telling you that life isn’t worth enjoying or pursuing, and that’s not true. You have individual interests and motivation, and there’s inside you. You have things that make you happy, but you can’t see them at the moment. That’s the problem; when you feel stagnant and lack positive emotion. It’s a symptom that shouldn’t be ignored, and it’s important to know that you can get through this time.

Pushing past the “I don’t want to do anything” feeling

One way to push past this feeling is to pursue therapy, but getting to that point is difficult because your brain is telling you that there’s no point in doing anything; including going to therapy. It’s essential that you work past those feelings of stagnancy. It’s vital to remember that what your brain is telling you isn’t true; there is a point to live, and you do have things that you enjoy. It’s about pushing through and remembering that the thoughts going through your mind are attributed to depression; they aren’t a reflection of who you are as a person.

Depression lies

Depression isn’t who you are. Depression is a mental illness that has symptoms such as lacking motivation, sleeping too much or not sleeping enough, changes in appetite, thoughts of emptiness or hopelessness, and thoughts of suicide or a plan to end one’s life. If you’re having thoughts of suicide, please call 911 or go to the emergency room. Contact a mental health professional and get medical attention immediately. Depression is a legitimate illness, and it needs to be addressed. If you’re feeling an emptiness inside, it could be because of this mental illness. It is treatable, it isn’t your fault, and there’s nothing wrong with you.

There is nothing wrong with you

Hear this now: there is nothing wrong with you. If you have depression, you are not alone. You’re struggling with a medical condition that many people, in fact, millions of people in the US alone, battle every single day. If you look at it that way, you’ll be more apt to seek help. It’s okay to acknowledge that you feel hopeless, as long as you pursue something that’ll help you move past this feeling. You’ve got this. Things will not be this way forever, and you will be able to move forward, no matter how hard it seems. Remember a time when you felt emptiness or sadness and were able to push past it and keep going. If you’re reading this article, you are alive. If you’re reading these words, you are strong, and you deserve to seek help.

Online counseling

Online counseling is an excellent place to seek help for feelings of emptiness and that “I don’t want to do anything” feeling. You are allowed to feel lost, but your online counselor is there to help you push through these feelings and find a way to cope. You might feel helpless, but your online counselor believes in you. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

This is a featured post by site sponsor Better Help.

 

India’s Suicide Capital: Sikkim

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By Diwash Gahatraj

Despite a booming economy, Sikkim has the highest suicide rate among all Indian states, second only to the Union Territory of Puducherry.

Gangtok: For Sukhrani Limbu of Sordung village, about 120 km from Gangtok, 29 May 2016, was just another usual day at work. But upon her return home, she found her eldest son, 30-year-old Aitey Singh Limbu, hanging from the ventilation shaft in his room.

Life somehow went on for the grieving mother. But then came 29 May 2018, when her third son, 27-year-old Aitey Hang Limbu, hanged himself from the same ventilation shaft in the same room.

“There was no suicide note, no signs of sickness… I am still clueless about what triggered their suicides,” Sukhrani says, fighting back the tears.

Sukhrani is not the only mother or family member in Sikkim who’s searching for answers. A National Crime Records Bureau study reported that the landlocked Himalayan state witnessed 241 suicides in 2015, 2.1 per cent of all the suicides in India that year.

But in terms of suicide rate in the last decade, Sikkim has the highest (37.5) among all states, and the second highest in the country after the Union Territory of Puducherry (43.2). Suicide rate is the number of suicides per one lakh population. According to the 2011 Census, Sikkim’s population was 610,577.

The West district, where Sukhrani lives, is Sikkim’s worst-affected region. Between 2008 and 2018, 278 cases of suicide were reported here.

Underbelly of the ‘golden state’

Sikkim joined the Indian republic in 1975, and has gradually become the poster child for development and a booming economy. Between 2004-05 and 2011-12, the state witnessed the highest net state domestic product in the country, and was the third richest state in India according to the 2015-16 Economic Survey.

In September 2018, Sikkim got its first airport at Pakyong near Gangtok, and in October, it was awarded by the United Nations for becoming the first state in the world to become 100 per cent organic. Literacy and cleanliness are high, and it’s often referred to as a ‘golden state’.

Yet, it has a sordid underbelly, which is manifesting itself in suicides and the questionable mental health condition of its residents. Regardless of age, gender, rural-urban divide, economic or health status, suicide looms everywhere.


Also read: What the history of foreign invasions tell us about suicides across India


A number of factors

“It would be very difficult, and even unfair, to pinpoint a particular reason for why Sikkimese people are turning suicidal. There are several factors: A long history of alcohol and drug abuse, unemployment, high aspirations, ignorance of mental health illnesses and changing family structures,” said Yumnam Suryajeevan, assistant professor of sociology at the Sikkim Manipal University.

Social worker Dr Satyadeep Chhetri adds three more factors — lack of socialisation, loneliness and high rates of adultery.

“Around 70 per cent of people who have committed suicide were loners — either they were separated couples, aged people living away from their children, or kids from broken families. There is no study to connect suicide with adultery or other factors, but many people have committed suicide due to marital discord,” Chettri said.

A case in point is that of a 12-year-old girl who committed suicide on 26 June 2017 because she longed for parental love.

The seventh grader from Timberbung village in West Sikkim used to live with her old grandparents after her parents drifted apart and started living with their respective lovers, said an investigating officer from Soreng police station.

Drugs and alcohol

Many Sikkimese youth are high on pharmaceutical drugs like Nitrosun 10mg, Spasmo Proxyvon (SP) and cough syrups like Corex and Phensedyl, which are smuggled into the state from the neighbouring Siliguri in West Bengal.

“Drug users are very vulnerable to suicide,” said Prashant Sharma, member of the Sikkim Drug User Forum.

Former drug user Robin Rai recalls trying to kill himself during one of his weak moments nine years ago. Rai, who works as a counsellor at a suicide helpline centre in Gangtok, said he gets numerous calls from drug users with suicidal tendencies.

The state’s climate, geographical location, and the easy availability of alcohol has made it vulnerable to alcohol abuse as well.

Sikkim’s history with alcohol dates back to 1954, when Sikkim Distilleries was set up in Rangpo to ensure quality liquor for its citizens at a reasonable price. The then Chogyal (king) agreed to give the company absolute monopoly for the manufacture of alcohol, on the condition that the government was given 47 per cent of its shares. The state earns considerable revenue every year from alcohol sales — in 2013-14, the figure stood at Rs 120.64 crore.

K.C. Nima, a public health activist, shared the story of Suresh (name changed), a 40-year-old chronic alcoholic who had attempted suicide twice.

“The Sikkim High Court had to order the state to provide rehabilitation for him. There are many such cases,” Nima said.

Charvi Jain, a Kolkata-based psychotherapist, said that dysfunctional families, loneliness and drug and alcohol abuse are all interconnected. “It can be a deadly cocktail for suicide,” she said.


Also read: Suicides high among married women: Crisis in Indian marriages or mental health stigma?


Unemployment

According to a report by the Labour Bureau of the Ministry of Labour & Employment, Sikkim has the second highest unemployment rate in India.

Prawesh Lama, guitarist for the popular local band Tribal Rain, said the rush for government jobs had something to do with it.

“The problem of educated unemployed youth is high here. Sikkimese youth focus only on government jobs. But such jobs are for just a few who have the ‘right’ contacts,” Lama said.

“People are not willing to compete in the private sector. In this struggle to grab a government job, many youth get frustrated-some fall victim to drug and alcohol abuse, while a few even lose the urge to live.”

Cultural stigma of mental illness

Historically, the rulers of Sikkim have had no record of suicidal deaths. However, according to local tribal myth, adultery in a past life could lead to unnatural deaths, said L. Khamdak, professor of Limbu cultural studies at Namchi Government College in South Sikkim.

Tshering Tamang, a shaman based in Pelling, West Sikkim, added: “Every person has a predestined time to live. If someone kills themselves before time, their soul turns into Sian (evil spirit).This Sian can take lives of other people known to him or her in the similar way. More suicides will take place till the spirit completes its life-circle.”

In Sikkimese religious practices, mental health is often misunderstood. People with serious mental health illness approach religious gurus and shamans rather than coming to a doctor, said a psychiatrist based in Geyzing, West Sikkim, who did not wish to be named.

What has the administration done?

Other than an unpublished study conducted by Sikkim University, the state government has done very little research on the issue. ThePrint repeatedly tried to contact state health minister Arjun Ghatani, health secretary Vishal Chauhan and other senior officials, and emailed them questionnaires on the issue. But the only official response was an email from the health department, acknowledging receipt and saying it would take time to reply to the questions, “as this is a government procedure”.

However, that’s not to say there haven’t been efforts to curb suicides. A senior health department officer said on the condition of anonymity that the state was trying its best to combat the growing problem.

“The Sikkim Mental Health programme is operational since 2011, and we are conducting many awareness campaigns across the state,” the officer said.

In 2015, a state-funded 24×7 suicide helpline centre (03592-2021111, 18003453225) equipped with trained counsellors was started from the psychiatric department of the Sir Thodup Namgyal Memorial Hospital in Gangtok. However, the centre has received just 182 genuine calls so far, because hardly anyone seems aware of it. There were no advertisements for this number in Gangtok or West Sikkim, and helpline head Dr Jigmee K. Topgay said the reason was a lack of funding for promotion.

Hardly any local psychiatrists or health department officials were willing to speak on record when contacted for this report, because when a few of them spoke to a national daily on this issue, they were transferred from Gangtok to far-flung regions of the state.

One exception was Dr Satish Rasaily, a psychiatrist who has worked closely in the past with the government on suicide awareness programmes.

“The state has done several suicide prevention campaigns in Gangtok,” he said.

But outside the state capital, the track record of awareness programmes gets a bit murky. On the one hand, health department officials claim they conduct regular camps, as do local government officials like Hemant Limbu, vice-president of the Darap village near Pelling.

“We have a conducted a community level awareness programme where doctors, psychiatrists and suicide counsellors from Gangtok visited our area on the occasion of World Mental Health Day on 10 October 2018,” Limbu said.

But on the other hand, people in many other villages in West Sikkim said such camps were a rarity.


Also read: One in every 3 women who commit suicide globally is an Indian


How to fix this problem

Parul Agarwal, a Siliguri-based counsellor and psychotherapist suggested that the Sikkim government should work on spreading awareness about mental health.

“Forming a team of well-trained counsellors and psychiatrists who can work at the grassroots level can be a good start. Regular workshops, seminars in schools and colleges and a compulsory HR policy on mental health awareness at workplaces can be helpful,” she said.

Among all the religious groups in the state, incidents of suicide are least among the Christian community, and that’s because of a conscious effort that others could emulate, said Father Moni Clement Lepcha of St Mary’s Catholic Church, Geyzing.

“We regularly hold conversation with our parish members. When we talk about our problems, it helps a lot in venting out,” he said.

Social worker Chhetri added: “We have to tap the emotional quotient of Sikkim’s citizens. We have to tackle this situation as a society. We need to be more open to talk to each other, create occasions to meet and socialise.”

How To Help A Friend Who’s Suicidal Without Sacrificing Your Own Mental Health

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As of 2017, the United States alone saw an estimated 1.3 million suicide attempts. Needless to say, suicide, often misunderstood and stigmatized, is a desperately urgent issue in America—and not solely for the people battling it firsthand. Supporting a suicidal friend can be a taxing, often frightening, stressful, and heartbreaking experience. But, being the best support system possible requires you to put yourself and your own needs first.

Easier said than done, though. As any caring and thoughtful friend would be, you’re likely worried about the wellness and safety of the person who you suspect to be in crisis. This situation can lead to bouts of self-doubt (“Am I doing and saying the right things?” or “Am I making things worse somehow?”), but Christine Moutier, MD, chief medical officer for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, says to trust your instincts. “Asking about suicide will not make someone suicidal if they do not already have those thoughts. Usually people feel relieved to share, especially if you are respectful and compassionate,” she says.

While you should open the lines of communication by asking your friend what they need, know what your own boundaries are, says Dese’Rae L. Stage, suicide awareness activist and creator of Live Through This. “If you’re not in a position where you can help, be honest. Say, ‘I’m not doing too well myself, but here’s a way we can find you help.” Going this route is not only best for you and your own sense of wellness, but it can also make you more approachable to your friend. “It shows how much you truly care about your friend and also allows you to be human and acknowledge you don’t have all the answers either,” says therapist Amanda E. White, MA, LPC, adding that this dialogue can come as a relief to someone who is suicidal, because so many people tend to walk on eggshells around them.

“If you’re not in a position where you can help, be honest. Say, ‘I’m not doing too well myself, but here’s a way we can find you help.” —Dese’Rae L. Stage, suicide awareness activist

Another option for helping your friend without sacrificing yourself is to call in additional support. Stage suggests tapping other friends, especially if you are in a tight-knit group, to make it a team effort of sorts. “Take shifts if you can,” Stage says. “See what [your friend] needs. Are they having trouble in their living space? Do they need help with laundry or dishes? Do they need someone to sit there and watch TV with them and order a pizza? Do they need to get out? [Helping with] things like that are good starters.”

If that arrangement—or any other, for that matter—doesn’t work for you, one thing that certainly can is honesty. Tell your friend you are there in the capacity you can be, whatever that may be, and that you love them. “Let them know they’re supported, even if you can’t necessarily be the one to do it,” Stage says. When you’re having this chat, or any conversation around suicide, it’s best to be direct, open, and a good listener. “People who are suicidal just need to be heard and validated. Even if you don’t agree with them, just say, ‘I hear you, and that sounds really hard.’”

“Focusing on your own health and wellness is important when you are trying to support someone in your life. If you are not well, you won’t be able to be a support to someone else who is struggling.” —Christine Moutier, MD

Dr. Moutier echoes that your time and attention alone can be a huge help. “Know that by simply caring and offering a listening ear and a feeling of support, you are providing them with everything a friend should.”

That said, you yourself may benefit from talking through this ordeal with someone who can guide, support, listen to you. “You are not alone—whether you’re the one struggling or the friend supporting them.” says Dr. Moutier, who says seeking therapy or support groups could be a smart avenue to explore for self-preservation. “Focusing on your own health and wellness is important when you are trying to support someone in your life. If you are not well, you won’t be able to be a support to someone else who is struggling.” In addition to seeking counseling for yourself, she recommends getting regular exercise, eating healthy foods, “and doing whatever you can do reduce your own stress.”

To be your best self—for the sake of your own well-being and ability to be source of support for a friend in crisis—you must always take care of yourself. And doing so, White says, is anything but selfish. “The most important thing is to make sure you are spending time with people who empower you and provide you with energy and love.”

If you or someone you love is suicidal, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8755 or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

5 Possible Signs of Suicidal Intent to Watch For in Your Loved Ones to Save a Life

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There’s nothing more heartbreaking than Pknowing a loved one feels that death is the only way to solve their difficulties in life.

People who commit suicide are often undergoing a tumultuous mental episode. Suicide is not, in fact, about truly desiring death, but about periods of depression so severe that death seems like the only way to escape the pain. They’d rather die than continue to suffer from the mental—and sometimes even physical—anguish that they’re dealing with.

The best way to help a loved one who is seems at risk is to help them seek out professional help, but it’s equally important to keep an eye out for those who are struggling silently. There are a number of warning signs that loved ones can keep an eye out for, that may indicate suicidal thoughts—and can help save a life.

If you see any of these warning signs exhibited in behavior from a friend or family member, do your best to reach out without any judgement. Provide a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on, and try to come prepared with resources and options for counseling or other professional services if possible.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, there are many psychiatric symptoms indicating a risk of suicide—so the image of a depressed, disheartened teen shut away in their room isn’t the only one that should come to mind. Just because a loved one isn’t refusing to get out of bed in the morning doesn’t mean that they aren’t in need of help.

Here are 5 general indicators to be aware of:

1. Self-Harming Behavior
One of the clearest warning signs that someone is battling with suicidal thoughts is evidence of self-harm.
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This may not always come in a clear form. Visible cutting is usually an easy-to-spot sign of self-harm, but it’s not always done as a cry for help. For some, actions like cutting or other forms of physical self-abuse are done in an attempt to distract from mental anguish by replacing it with a manageable, more distracting form of physical pain. If a loved one is trying to transfer their pain from their brains to their bodies, they may fear judgement more than the risk that self-harm can cause—and in those cases, the self-harm is often hidden.

Keep an eye out for anything that seems physically amiss. If a loved one starts to cover their body with sweaters and long pants, particularly if it seems out of character or season, or they seem to be concealing something, it may be time to have a talk about what’s causing the changes.

2. Anti-Social Attitudes
Suicidal thoughts and a decision to die may not mean that a loved one has stopped caring about others, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t withdraw from their families and friends as they contemplate the end of their lives.
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Depression can cause a myriad of mental distortions. As one author wrote, even the periods of time when the “fog lifted” made it difficult to tell whether their depressed state or uplifting state was their true reality; they never knew whether their depression was their mind lying to them or their cheerful periods were all just a ruse.

When a loved one is planning to commit suicide, they often stop spending time with others. That may be due to the exhaustion caused by their depression, but could also be their way of trying to ease the heartbreak that they know their death will cause others. Suicide, as described by patients with depression, isn’t wanting to die—rather, it’s not wanting to be alive anymore. So when someone starts to pull away, try to reach out and keep them engaged. Don’t let them forget about their will to live.

3. Violent Mood Swings
The chemical imbalances in the brain that cause severe depression and suicidal behavior can cause more than just feelings of hopelessness. In some cases, they can also cause periods of mania, so keep an eye out for extreme highs and lows.
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Most people associate depression with only anti-social attitudes and sad, withdrawn behavior, but manic-depressive disorders can be just as harmful to an individual’s mental state—and can often cause suicidal thoughts and behaviors when a loved one is experiencing a period of severe lows after experiencing great highs.

If a loved one seems to be acting out of character—spending a lot of money, taking risks you wouldn’t normally expect from them, or bouncing between ideas aggressively—and then going through periods of withdrawal in between, don’t simply assume they’re acting quirky. They could be dealing with manic depression, or they could simply be trying their best to pull themselves out of the depression by aggressively seeking out joy. The chemical imbalances that cause these behaviors aren’t something a loved one can overcome on their own, and they’ll need your help to identify the problem and seek professional help before they harm themselves.

4. Impulsive Actions
Be wary of impulsive choices when a loved one isn’t prone to those kinds of behaviors. There can be multiple reasons that a suicidal loved one starts to act impulsively. Sometimes, it is related to a manic episode, which is always a red flag.
Illustration (Pixabay)
Other times, though, it can be caused by the absence of fear that a suicidal individual experiences. They may want to spend their money before they die, or give someone a gift. They may want to experience things that they had always been too afraid to, or they may be desperately seeking out a way to feel happy again.

Whether a loved one is no longer afraid of consequences or trying to find their way out of the darkness, always keep an eye out for behaviors that appear to be out of the ordinary. If a meticulous planner starts to fly by the seat of their pants, it may be time to sit them down and talk.

5. Reckless Decision-Making

Illustration (Shutterstock)
If a loved one starts to drink a lot, take illegal drugs, or participate in other reckless or impulsive behaviors, keep in mind that this can be just as obvious a warning sign of suicidal thoughts as a mopey teenager or locked bedroom door.

There can be other factors that cause someone to behave recklessly, but there’s rarely a good reason behind this kind of change. Even if a loved one isn’t contemplating suicide, they’ll almost certainly benefit from hearing from you if they’re engaging in dangerous, reckless behaviors like this.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice.