7 Words You Should Immediately Stop Using To Describe Yourself

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We all know the words we say to others matter. But sometimes we forget that the words we say to and about ourselves are equally important. We need to be careful about the way we describe who we are. If you wouldn’t assign a word to a friend or other loved one, you probably shouldn’t assign it to yourself, either. Keep scrolling for seven specific words that you should stop using to talk about Y-O-U.

1. Alone: If you’ve just gone through a breakup with a significant other, have experienced a loss in your family, or are just feeling generally down in the dumps, it can be tempting to feel — and even say — that you’re all alone. Remember, though, that if you’re sharing these feelings with a friend or other confidante, you’re far from lonely. If you feel lonely, stop thinking of yourself as alone and reach out for support. “Perhaps it would help to reach out or let people in your life know that you need something versus trying to figure it out alone,” licensed psychologist Sue Sexton says. “You are not alone!”

2. Stupid: Licensed marriage and family therapist Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali tells us that she hears this word all too often. “If you say to yourself that you are stupid, you will trigger a negative feeling about yourself, as well as negative thoughts about yourself,” Osibodu-Onyali says. “Too many negative thoughts can lead to a drop in self-confidence or self-esteem.” Give yourself a little credit. Allow the necessary room to make mistakes so that you can relieve the pressure you put on yourself and be a little more compassionate to yourself.

3. Lazy: “Too many of us call ourselves out when we can’t rise early to exercise, take on one more task at home or at work, or just keep up with someone else,” says Karen Azeez, certified holistic health coach and author of The Kindfulness Solution. “At this point, we should see if we just need more down time, sleep, motivation, or information instead of judging ourselves harshly.” Don’t conflate exhaustion or overwhelm with habitual laziness. You’re only lazy if you choose to be.

4. Just/Only: When asked what you do for a living or even for fun, don’t hedge your answer with the word “just” or “only.” You’re not “just” a student or “only” an assistant or spending your weekend “just” hanging out. Own who you are and what you do. “These qualifiers undermine your power and awesomeness, serve as an apology for something that requires one, and broadcast low self-esteem or fake humility,” says Nikki Bruno, a power coach, speaker, and author.

5. Sorry: Women, in particular, are in the habit of making themselves apologetic way too often. While saying that you’re sorry may seem harmless — maybe even polite — you probably say it more than necessary. Executive coach and Development Corps founder Kate Gigax encourages you to be mindful that you’re not saying sorry for things that aren’t yours to own. Consider replacing “I’m sorry” with “thank you.” For instance, try saying, “Thank you for your patience” instead of “I’m so sorry I’m late!”

6. Sensitive: “By labeling your thoughts and feelings as sensitive, you’re not only judging yourself, but you’re instantly negating your thoughts and feelings,” therapist and life coach Tess Brigham notes. “There’s nothing wrong with having emotions.” Even if you’re convinced that you have more feels than the average human, you don’t owe it to anyone to justify your behavior. Instead, allow yourself to experience those emotions, so you can move past them when you’re ready.

7. Hopeless: No matter how low you’re feeling or how much you feel you need to grow or improve, we ask you to never, ever label yourself this way… and the experts back us up. “Reinforcing that you’re growing and learning is a far more positive, motivating, and effective message than expecting mastery out of the gate and beating yourself up over it,” life and career coach Sally Anne Carroll says.

This article originally appeared on Brit + Co.

Most of us want to achieve true happiness in our lives. Whatever that is. However, in a world where we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others, glued to social media, and chasing stuff we don’t have, this can be pretty difficult. Most of the time, we don’t even realise we’re hindering our own happiness because these…

via How to be happy: 19 happiness hacks — Mental Health | Self-Care | Blogging

The Authentic Self versus the False Self

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The Authentic Self Versus the False Self

In my new book, Live True: A Mindfulness Guide to Authenticity, I write that it is the present moment that matters the most, and if we value the moments of our lives, we will want to make the most of each one, and not let any moment go by without having lived it as truthfully and authentically as we can.

But what does it mean to live “authentically”? The definition of authentic is “genuine” and “real,” or in other words, the combination of all your true qualities and characteristics. However, I like to describe authentic as “living your truth in the present moment.”

I know, it’s easy to want to hide or conceal certain aspects of ourselves we may not love, but once we start to hide who we really are, it can slip away from us to the point that we are living dishonestly to our true nature, and why would we want to do that?

Fear, insecurity, doubt.

Those are some of the emotions that strip us of our true nature. And before we know it, we are not living our truth in the present moment, or any of the moments of our life if we are not aware of the traps of our mind, which are the lies we tell ourselves that keep us stuck in self-deception.

Mindfulness, which is living in the present moment with total awareness, keeps us honest, and true to who we are. It reminds us when we slip out of the moment of authenticity, and try and hide or replace it with a false image of ourselves. But we don’t always practice the valuable skill of mindfulness or remember how important it is to stay present and authentic. To our detriment, we choose to present a false image or persona to others, and this can be one of the greatest causes of our pain and suffering.

As I note in Live True, it’s a lot harder to be who we’re not than who we are, and takes a tremendous amount of work to keep the inauthentic, or false-self, going. This means that you have to keep presenting yourself as who you’re not, and after a while it can be exhausting; both mentally and physically to keep the lie alive.

If you feel that you are living inauthentically and are reluctant or afraid to show who you really are to others, ask yourself what is your greatest fear about revealing your authentic self. Is it that you’re afraid you won’t be liked or loved, or judged for not being enough as your true self? And, if that’s the case, ask yourself if you want people to like and accept you for who you are, or would you prefer them liking you for someone that you’re not?

Living authentically means you’re being honest with yourself, and your honesty is what you have to live with. Even if you take a step back from it out of fear or insecurity, or for whatever reasons, know that you can step right back into the flow of your deepest “authentic truth,” which is the greatest honesty to realize.

– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound Those of us interested in doing “inner work” have two conflicting schools of thought to choose from. The Self Help school teaches us to tackle our weaknesses while the Self Love school wants us to accept ourselves for who we are, flaws and all. Pretty much all of us […]

via The Paradox of Self Love and Self Help — Introvert Unbound

Your Identity Is Almost Entirely Based On Unconscious Brain Processes

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We often think that our deeply held beliefs, opinions, and emotions are the result of a long time spent thinking. We see ourselves as an executive of sorts somewhere inside our own head, pondering, making plans, and coming to decisions. This is what is known as a top-down model of executive control. It isn’t only laypeople who think this way, but scientists and scholars, many anyway. This has been the prevailing theory for decades.

Most experts see human consciousness as a combination of two different phenomena. The first is the consciousness we experience from one moment to the next. That’s knowing who and where in the world we are. It’s also the ability to evaluate things, and calculate opportunities and threats. The second is our thoughts, feelings, impressions, intentions, and memories. So here’s the innovation, a 2017 paper published in Frontiers of Psychology says that actually, our thoughts and feelings are developed by unconscious mechanisms behind our logical thoughts.

We don’t so much come to conclusions on things as become aware of how we feel. In fact, researchers write that the “contents of consciousness” are completely unrelated to the “experience of consciousness.” The contents of consciousness are derived from “non-conscious brain systems.” In fact, study authors write that “personal awareness is analogous to the rainbow which accompanies physical processes in the atmosphere but exerts no influence over them.”