Modern Relationships Scare Me

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Modern dating scares me because it’s impossible to distance yourself from someone you once loved. You struggle to move on, to tell yourself you can live without them, because they are always staring back at you from laptop, phone, and tablet screens. Even if you try to erase all traces of their existence, if you smash block and delete, there’s always a friend of a friend posting a picture with them or a Facebook memory that will make your heartache come rushing back. Closure is hard to achieve — and it seems like no one wants to achieve it. Exes will text you out of the blue when you feel like you are doing fine without them. They will ruin all the progress you made getting over them with a drunken miss you text. They will make sure you keep coming back to them, even when they have already made it clear they are the wrong one for you.

Modern dating scares me because there are a million different types of relationships. Serious relationships. Open relationships. Almost relationships. Casual relationships. Texting relationships. Situationships. Even though it seems like there are more relationships than ever before, no one actually wants to define the relationship. They want to see where things go. They want to avoid labels, even though without labels, it’s easier to get hurt. One conversation could solve everything, it could clear up all the mixed signals, but those conversations rarely happen.

Modern relationships scare me because cheating is easier than ever. You can download a dating app and swipe through options on your couch, at your desk, beside your own partner in your own bedroom. You can send snaps that will delete automatically, erasing any evidence of infidelity. You can harmlessly flirt with someone you would have never seen again, but with the help of social media, you can continue contact, you can build an inappropriate connection without realizing it’s happening. You can lose the person you love without ever seeing it coming, without catching onto any of the signs they are ready to stray.

Modern relationships scare me because everyone watches your love unfold. They see the pictures you post and either aww or roll their eyes. They make uneducated guesses on how long the relationship is going to last. And when you break up, it’s not private. Everyone notices when your profile picture changes to a headshot. They catch on quickly. It’s intimidating to know everyone on your friend list knows whether you are single or whether you are in a serious relationship or whether you have been jumping from person to person.  Everyone has an opinion on your love, even if they have never seen you two together in person. Your relationship is none of their business, but social media makes them feel like it is.

Modern relationships scare me because they are a breeding ground for abandonment issues. They can end without warning. They can end with a text — or with an unanswered text. Without a face-to-face conversation, most questions are left unanswered. Most wounds are left wide open. It’s hard to accept losing someone when you have no idea what you did to chase them away, when you aren’t sure whether it was your fault or bad timing or poor chemistry.

Modern relationships scare me, because no matter how much effort you put in, it’s useless unless the other person puts in effort too

ThoughtCatalog: Put More Effort Into Your Forever Person.

ThoughtCatalog’s Holly Riordan wrote a great piece on something that I know at least I need to be more aware of. The article is about “putting more effort into your forever person” & it is really amazing.

I know that I need to put more effort into my boyfriends and my relationship. He is constantly supportive, sweet, and understanding. He never makes me feel like I am being taken for granted, and treats me like a queen. I definitely need to reciprocate this more often. I knew that I needed to be more kind and caring towards him but this article really helped put things into perspective- check it out!!

Put more effort into your relationship. Do not let your person tumble down your priority list after spending a few years — or even months —  together. It’s easy to take the right person for granted. It’s easy to become overly comfortable. It’s easy to forget how lucky you are.

When you chase after the wrong person, you are forced to do the work. You are forced to send the first text. You are forced to plan dates. You are forced to make an effort. Otherwise, they would walk away without a second thought. Otherwise, you would lose them.

When you are with the right person, you don’t have to go the extra mile in order to convince them to stay because they are not going anywhere. But you should go the extra mile anyway because you want to make them happy, you want to give them even more than they believe they deserve.

Put more effort into your forever person. Do not let yourself slip. Do not become a different person than the one they fell for in the first place.

The flirting should not end when you get into an official relationship. The playful banter and kisses on the forehead should be ongoing. Turning someone into your boyfriend/girlfriend does not mean the hard work is over. It is only beginning.

You cannot stop trying once you have snagged someone. Just because they are yours today does not mean they will be yours tomorrow. If you stop treating them as a priority, they might gather their belongings and leave. 

Even if your person loves you too much to leave, even if your person never voices any complaints about how you have slowly been neglecting them, you should still treat them right. You should be aware of your own actions. You should step back and ask yourself whether you have been doing your best as a partner.

If you have not, you should take the initiative to change, even if your person has not whined about it yet. Just because they are letting you get away with something does not mean you should be getting away with something. It does not mean you should continue to slack.

Relationships are complex. They are messy. They are complicated. But when you are with the right person, staying together is fairly simple: You need to put effort into the relationship. You need to care. 

You put in the effort to chase this person. You should be willing to put in the effort to keep this person. 

You should not take your person for granted. You should not forget how much they do for you on a daily basis. You should not underplay how happy they make you.

Put more effort into your forever person. They are the love of your life. They deserve to see the best sides of you. The deserve to be spoiled with affection. They deserve to look at you and know your feelings haven’t changed at all. If anything, they have only grown deeper.