Category: Self-Help

How Self-Help Can Help The World

Author Article

Many meditators, yogis, and other spiritual practitioners will answer this question with a resounding yes. Critics – ranging from religious studies and management scholars to serious Buddhist practitioners – may disagree.

Mindfulness meditation, which has grown exponentially in popularity in recent years, is commonly associated with a wide-ranging set of contemplative practices aimed at training oneself to pay “attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment and nonjudgmentally,” as defined by Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Healthcare, and Society.

Early leaders in the mindfulness movement, many of whom came of age in the counterculture of the 1960s and 1970s, had a more activist bent; they hoped that mindfulness would lead to a wave of self-actualization, increased compassion for others, and democratic decision-making. With these tools, humanity would be able to collectively address the many complex social problems we collectively face, such as racism, overconsumption, economic inequality, and environmental degradation.

To investigate the spread of mindfulness across powerful social institutions in science, healthcare, education, business, and the military, I travelled around the country from 2010-2012, and again in 2015, talking with leaders of the mindfulness movement. The passionate, inspiring mindfulness advocates at top Ivy League and flagship universities, at Fortune 500 companies like Google and General Mills, at K-12 schools, and the U.S. military had personally benefited from meditating and felt bolstered by a wave of scientific evidence which has supported the practices’ beneficial effects on well-being, memory, attention, meta-awareness, cognitive flexibility, and emotional regulation. Above all, by sharing mindfulness, meditators believed they not only transformed themselves, but the world around them.

Yet, most meditators I spoke with revealed more self-centered effects from spending time in quiet contemplation. This was not surprising to some of mindfulness’ leaders.

Sitting in his office at the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Healthcare, and Society in January of 2015 in Shrewsbury, Massachusetts, Executive Director Saki Santorelli told me that people loved to do mindfulness because they learned about who they were, and through the practice, they transcended who they previously were, and who they had thought they were. This process was intrinsically rewarding and exhilarating.

People come to their mindfulness program, he said, because they have “a Real. Life. Problem. Something is just not right,” he said. “And what keeps people engaged is . . . the most interesting topic in the world.” He paused and turned toward me.

“What is this most interesting topic in the world?” He paused again, waiting.

“The most interesting topic in the world,” he responded, “is me.” He continued, “People come here because they are interested in me. Meaning themselves. And something’s not quite right about me or I want to learn more about me including “how am I going to live with this condition for the next 20 or 30 or 40 years?”
In teaching mindfulness at the Center, they seek to “draw out,” rather than “pour in” knowledge. They seek to ignite “a fire with people to know more about ‘who’ or ‘what’ I actually am,” he said. He explained:

They start with practice. Practice reveals not because I say so, but because they discover it. They discover that they have a breath, they discover that it feels a particular way, they discover something about the relative present moment, whatever that is. They discover something about what happens in their viscera when they have a particular thought or a particular emotion . . . They discover the ways that they’re conditioned or limiting themselves or living today out of yesterday’s memory, about whom or what I am or what I’m capable of. And they love it. . . . And whenever people discover a little bit more about who they are, they transcend. And ultimately, I think that’s what’s transformative—is that sense of transcending. Transcend some idea about who you think they are, even if it’s a tiny little idea, and then you feel more room.

Others found meditation useful for different reasons. Neuroscientist Ravi Chaudhary (pseudonym used upon request) thought mindfulness practice provided him with a critical cognitive distance that enabled him to pause, reflect, and ultimately, have greater self-control in facing the challenges that arose in his life. He has learned “not be super reactive to unpleasant situations,” he said. “There’s difficult situations no matter what,” but with mindfulness, he now can take “a moment, sit back and accept that . . . I am not part of it, but rather it is there and I am here.” This helps him make decisions “as if it’s a presumed situation,” and he feels less entangled with difficult situations.

These effects of mindfulness meditation are no doubt important: they help people learn about themselves and, hopefully, engage in more thoughtful decision-making. Mindfulness meditation can also have a therapeutic effect for many people, helping them de-stress, calm themselves and provide openings to experience a sense of peace.

However, mindfulness’s impact off the cushion of the larger organizations and communities where it is practiced largely remains to be seen. Most mindfulness programs have never gotten around to confronting the many larger-scale social problems we face as a society; in fact many newer practitioners might be surprised to learn that founders of early mindfulness programs had sought out such activist-minded ends. In speaking with dozens of program leaders and mindfulness teachers, only a handful had any evidence at all that their programs’ impacts extended beyond the program’s direct participants and into the larger organizations they were a part of.

The impact of mindfulness practice, even among top CEOs and corporate leaders, is largely not trickling down into their larger companies and causing them to cut down expected work hours or loads or increase wages, which are the fundamental causes of the stress many Americans face today. While meditation practices may individually improve the lives of practitioners, and perhaps even those they regularly interact with, it is less clear how the practices lead to the collective action needed to address the complex social problems we face daily in our workplaces and in our democracy.

Yet, the myth that mindfulness will lead to a more progressive, utopian world continues to linger, as a mirage, that might appear just around the bend.

Featured image credit: “Take a seat photo” by Simon Wilkes. Public Domain via Unsplash.

Self-Help In The Age Of New Technology

Author Article

I witnessed it gradually unroll from the 1990s. It started with The Learning Annex catalogues of courses where you could attend a local one-day class to “get in touch with your inner child” and to “be your own boss” among hundreds of other courses. It used to be a habit with friends that while at a Village diner having breakfast, we would read the titles to these classes and invariably break down in laughter. There was something entirely amusing, yet absurd, about the plethora of classes with courses entitled “Walking Crosstown” and “How to Do Your Laundry by Hypnosis.” Little did we know that this culture of self-empowerment was just beginning.

From local, in-person courses, The Learning Annex had expanded its offerings to online classes and alongside many other similar businesses. Alongside such learning centers a new class of profession called the “life coach” has also foot into this market. While self-help culture rose in the 1970s, proliferating in the 1980s largely through books such as Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns (1980) and The Power of Now (2004) by Eckhart Tolle, self-help publishing industry expanded massively into the realm of the motivational coach on tour and on television and to the more local entrepreneur who advises business executives how to deal with stress or how to approach public speaking, among many other niche specialities. With new technology, these self-help gurus have moved onto the Internet and into app territory in order to expand their audience while giving the appearance of a one-to-one experience.

Calling himself a “life and business strategist,” Tony Robbins is now one of dozens of celebrity self-help gurus who relies more than ever on new technology for his business. With his Wealth Mastery and Breakthrough apps among many others, Robbins is targeting profits through mobile phones for people on the go. There is no shortage of personal development advice today. From Armand Peri who shares “secrets of success” to career counsellor Barbara Scher, this industry is taking in a whopping $9.9 billion annually in the United States alone. And a huge chunk of the profits are today derived from online and app-based revenue. Even Oprah’s spiritual advisor has cashed in on new tech and offers online courses and lecture series in addition to a guided meditation app. She also announced that she is running for president which might be the biggest claim to glory for this trade.

Why are so many willing to sink money into what was once an industry focussed on interaction with a live motivational speaker for an inspirational afternoon? Given that people come to use apps as a replacement for the workshop experience of learning, I remained skeptical that an app could ever replace the social and live interaction of speaker to audience member? In essence, if I am going to invest in an area of my life that I think I need help in, why would I pay for an app over a local life coach?

Some journalists have written about their experiences using these self-care apps with varying results, most noting that the end goal of better mental health or finances is a bit more complex than any app can undertake. But couldn’t the same be said for the books published on this subject and the lecture tours by the most prominent in this field? Where we expect apps or an online course to “give us motivation” shouldn’t we be seeking more complex solutions that might include a longer-term commitment with a live human being in the form of therapy? In essence, I wonder if we ought not to make a return to psychoanalysis or what is referred to as bibliotherapy (self-help books) given that there is strong evidence in favor of these methods, such as the University of Nevada study which found that depressed people thrived when they read Feeling Good (1999) as much as those in the control group who received cognitive-behavioral bibliotherapy (CBT) for dealing with depression. Can the same conclusions be made of technological therapies through purely computers or mobile phone interactions?

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE
For depression, high tech solutions are catching on which involve CBT and these apps have been reviewed for their efficacy quite recently in the “Review of cognitive behavioral therapy mobile apps using a reference architecture embedded in the patient-provider relationship.” In this review, Alice Lan et al focussed on upon 35 mental health (mHealth) apps claiming to provide cognitive behavioral therapy. Their conclusion was that these apps did not “enhance the patient-provider relationship, improve patient accountability or help providers support patients more effectively between visits,” noting that there is room for improved mHealth apps which might be better integrated into existing healthcare systems. However, another study last Fall led by Lorenzo Lorenzo-Luaces conducted a “meta-regression analysis” of 21 studies where it was determined that Internet-based therapy platforms effectively alleviate depression. So much for my skepticism on new tech, but the jury is out if these apps work in areas of wellness, other areas of mental health outside of depression, or if these apps might not be creating more anxiety than they alleviate.

Still, the positive outcomes tend to be limited to a very narrow set of criteria and areas of self-development such that there is no evidence to show that self-help apps are useful outside of CBT or certain treatments for depression. Can we learn how to find our inner child with an app? Or is this a search that is meant to be forever “in progress”? Perhaps time and many downloads later we will have better answers. Or, maybe we will simply perpetuate the culture of self-perfection, wanting more, and never being satisfied with the self?

Julian Vigo is a freelance journalist and writer. Follow her on Twitter or send her an email.

The Authentic Self versus the False Self

Author Article

The Authentic Self Versus the False Self

In my new book, Live True: A Mindfulness Guide to Authenticity, I write that it is the present moment that matters the most, and if we value the moments of our lives, we will want to make the most of each one, and not let any moment go by without having lived it as truthfully and authentically as we can.

But what does it mean to live “authentically”? The definition of authentic is “genuine” and “real,” or in other words, the combination of all your true qualities and characteristics. However, I like to describe authentic as “living your truth in the present moment.”

I know, it’s easy to want to hide or conceal certain aspects of ourselves we may not love, but once we start to hide who we really are, it can slip away from us to the point that we are living dishonestly to our true nature, and why would we want to do that?

Fear, insecurity, doubt.

Those are some of the emotions that strip us of our true nature. And before we know it, we are not living our truth in the present moment, or any of the moments of our life if we are not aware of the traps of our mind, which are the lies we tell ourselves that keep us stuck in self-deception.

Mindfulness, which is living in the present moment with total awareness, keeps us honest, and true to who we are. It reminds us when we slip out of the moment of authenticity, and try and hide or replace it with a false image of ourselves. But we don’t always practice the valuable skill of mindfulness or remember how important it is to stay present and authentic. To our detriment, we choose to present a false image or persona to others, and this can be one of the greatest causes of our pain and suffering.

As I note in Live True, it’s a lot harder to be who we’re not than who we are, and takes a tremendous amount of work to keep the inauthentic, or false-self, going. This means that you have to keep presenting yourself as who you’re not, and after a while it can be exhausting; both mentally and physically to keep the lie alive.

If you feel that you are living inauthentically and are reluctant or afraid to show who you really are to others, ask yourself what is your greatest fear about revealing your authentic self. Is it that you’re afraid you won’t be liked or loved, or judged for not being enough as your true self? And, if that’s the case, ask yourself if you want people to like and accept you for who you are, or would you prefer them liking you for someone that you’re not?

Living authentically means you’re being honest with yourself, and your honesty is what you have to live with. Even if you take a step back from it out of fear or insecurity, or for whatever reasons, know that you can step right back into the flow of your deepest “authentic truth,” which is the greatest honesty to realize.

– by Wes Colton, Introvert Unbound Those of us interested in doing “inner work” have two conflicting schools of thought to choose from. The Self Help school teaches us to tackle our weaknesses while the Self Love school wants us to accept ourselves for who we are, flaws and all. Pretty much all of us […]

via The Paradox of Self Love and Self Help — Introvert Unbound

Why Would You Want To?

Author Article

In my ongoing quest to come to the end of the internet, this week I discovered a word I should have seen coming—self-compassion. Self-compassion is a stop somewhere out there on the journey to self-love, which, from my vast research, seems to be a terminal destination. Self-compassion nor self-love should be confused with self-indulgence, which of course is bad, and is probably the conjoined twin of self-care. And also, I took the quiz, though I lied. I put ‘sometimes’ down for every question because I don’t really care, I just wanted to see what they were asking. By the twelfth one I was clinically bored.

It seems to me, though I never thought it was possible, that modern western culture is determined to put a lie to that tragic questioning cry, found in the lections for today, if you were thinking of trudging off to church somewhere. It’s that famous line buried in a recapitulation of Psalm One (also for today) and much maligned by ex-evangelicals who love Brene Brown. Here it is.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”

After two more articles on the website Well and Good, where you can find the link to take that quiz if you want, I feel like the answer to that question is, ‘Why would you want to?’ Because after a very short interval its not that interesting anymore. The more the world careens towards self-acceptance, self-love, self-compassion, self-care, all wrapped up with that dreaded bow of self-indulgence, the more the internet stops being curious and fun, the more twitter lives into its full malign nature. Are human people even that interesting when they are in the ghastly throws of self-compassion?

“Cursed,” explained Jeremiah, speaking on behalf of God, “is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength.” He is like a shrub in a desert, parched. But I am reminded of all that grass we human people are likened to somewhere else by some other prophet*. It grows up suddenly and waves in the bright sun and bends in the wind and you think ‘oh, that’s so fresh and bright and summer is so great,’ but then you come back a month later and there’s a heavy layer of snow and the grass is nowhere to be seen. It died. It was brittle. Fire or snow, or time really, and its as if it never even existed. That is the human person, scrolling wildly through a social-media news feed, driven along by that unsparing, internal rule of self-love. Cursed.

If that doesn’t appeal to you, and it shouldn’t, a few verses later you come across the antidote. “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,” and then, in case you didn’t quite get it, Jeremiah repeats himself, “whose trust is in the Lord.” He is like a tree planted by streams of water, whose roots go down into the cool silent depths, who stays green all the time and even bears fruit.

How can a human person, of whatever kind of gender, in whatever state of self-love, who is here one moment, like the grass, and gone the next, ever be like a tree? I met a glorious tree last month. Some ancient, vast oak tree down in the south that looked like it had wandered out of Lord of the Rings, and also like it would say something in words if you stood there long enough, quietly.

Trees and grass are all of the same stuff, the same idea. They both live. They can both look pretty. But one of them isn’t going anywhere, and, according to Jeremiah, that one of is basically completely happy, blessed even, sucking up water through its roots while the other one burns itself out in a conflagration of self-love.

Jeremiah answers his own question, “Who can understand it,” with the only answer you’d expect of him. He quotes God, “I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”

What is curious to me is that God would even want to know. That he bothers with the search. That he hasn’t already had enough of ladders.com and Well and Good and just chucked it. Sin—of which self-love, if not the chief, is surely reclining at the head of the table—is not that interesting. There is never anything new and wonderful about it. When you see it there in the light it doesn’t look shocking nor inviting. It is strange of God that he would take the trouble even to search the depths of a boring and bedraggled humanity, setting themselves alight with vanity and calling it special.

“Heal me,” concludes Jeremiah, setting himself down by the stream and probably throwing his phone into its sparkling depths, “and I shall be healed. Save me and I shall be saved. For you are my praise.”

God, who is the living water, and is himself the most interesting being out there, if only we would stop gazing at ourselves in the mirrors of our lives and wander away to read a book, but especially the book I’ve been quoting here, has the power and the inclination to heal and to save. His compassion far surpasses any that you or I could ever manufacture, even with the help of a leading psychologist. He has mercy on those who suddenly see themselves going up in smoke, who see the stream and the cool quiet and wish they could stop careening along in the way of the wicked.

And what of the tree? Because it is not just any tree. It stands there against the sky so that when you hurry by, if you were to pause, just for a moment, you would actually see a redemption, a healing, a compassion, a salvation, indeed, a solution to all the cares of the world, fixed there. You could pause and sit, and drink, and eat, and forget yourself in a haze of wonder. You can’t understand yourself or him, but he understands both.

Be a tree, go to church.

*Isaiah 40:7

7 New Self-Help Books That Are Actually Helpful

See Author Article Here
By Lizzy Francis

We live in busy times. Burnout is real. With the advent of remote work and the connected work place, people have less of an opportunity to disconnect than ever. Parents are over-worked and trying to be there for their kids and wonder how to make time in the day when they can’t even leave their office behind at the end of the day. Authors and experts have made note of that, and there’s been a bit of a cultural shift of self-help books that focus on helping people, you know, chill out a little. But which are worth checking out? We think that these books, each tailored at making more out of your life through simple steps, paring down distractions, figuring out what you need, and by accepting who you are, are worthwhile. They don’t ask you to give 110 percent all the time and learn to love the office like a family. In fact, the vast majority of them ask the opposite and they have some pretty poignant advice to help keep burnout at bay.

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, by Greg McKeown
In Essentialism, author Greg McKeown, a CEO of THIS, Inc., and business consultant, makes a case for a more decluttered life. This book could have a lesson for anyone, but Essentialism’s questions: “Are you stretched too thin? Do you feel overworked but unfulfilled? Are you busy but not feeling like you’re getting anything done?,” are particularly trenchant for the modern parent. McKeown asks the reader to engage with what he refers to as a “systematic discipline” in order to get ‘only the right things done.’ This book is helpful for readers who just want to make their lives less busy but more meaningfully full.

Digital Minimalism: The Case for a Focused Life in a Noisy World,Cal NewportIn Digital Minimalism, Cal Newport, a computer scientist at Georgetown and author of Deep Work, makes a case for a ‘digital detox.’ He argues that smartphones, apps, and screen time have greatly diminished our quality of life, not just because we’re looking at screens and engaging in a non-physical social world, but largely because of what he refers to as a ‘fragmenting’ effect — that the 10 seconds it takes for you to look at your phone greatly diminishes the quality of any in-person experience you may be having at that time. In Digital Minimalism, Newport offers a 30-day plan where followers pare down all non-essential technology, and after those 30 days are over, begin using tech again with intention. It’s something from which all of us can benefit.

10% Happier: How I Tamed The Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, And Found Self-Help That Actually Works, Dan Harris
Although 10% Happier is one of the older entries on the list, having been published some five years ago, it deserves a spot simply because of its measured approach to meditation and happiness. Dan Harris, the author of the book, had a panic attack on national television. This book takes the reader on his journey deconstructing Harris’ own, harmful thought processes about incessant workaholism and explaining how he found meditation that helped him chill but still remain productive. For any parent on the boiling point, a reasonable approach to meditation could be seriously helpful.

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, Brene Brown
The desire to be the perfect parent, employee, partner or person does not serve you, argues Brene Brown in The Gifts of Imperfection. Trying to be the ‘perfect’ parent or employee is only going to leave you frustrated and let down. So Brown offers ten “guideposts” that will help the reader accept their imperfections and live a more honest and happy life.

#Chill: Turn off Your Job, Turn on Your Life, Bryan Robinson
#Chill is the book for the guy who knows that they can’t really change overnight. For those who bring the office home with them at night and over the weekends, and would rather spend that time relaxing with family and friends, this book gives a bit of a guidebook to engage with a monthly program to “stop the cycle of over-work.” Bryan Robinson largely employs the use of mindfulness and meditation practices that help the over-worked take a deep breath and remain present.

Off The Clock: Feel Less Busy While Getting More Done, Laura Vanderkam
Time management guru Laura Vanderkam managed to deal with feeling overworked and overbusy by letting go a little bit and telling herself that she has ‘all the time in the world.’ In short, she changed her outlook. And that’s the heart of Off The Clock, a book about personal attitude that employs readers with real tools for dealing with stress from the days where you feel too busy or stretched too thin, requires some brain-training. It also utilizes examples of real people, which helps the concepts feel less abstract and helps the reader see what this looks like in practice.

Make Time: How to Focus on What Matters Every Day, Jake Knapp and John Zeratsky
If you lack focus at work, feel like you waste time on social media, or feel like you’ve been busy all day with nothing to show for it, Make Time might be helpful. It’s written by two former creators of Google’s ‘design sprint’, which is known as a period where a lot of work gets done in a lot less time than required by a lot of people working together. Make Time obviously draws on their experiencing “sprinting” by optimizing to-do lists, focusing professional energy, and designating time appropriately. It doesn’t ask for people to go 100 percent at all times — in fact, it asks quite the opposite. Engaging in productivity isn’t the same thing in being healthily productive. This book delineates the difference.