9 Signs You Might Be An Ambivert

Author Article

I’m sure you’ve been asked many times whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. For some people, it’s an easy choice, but for most of us, it’s difficult to choose one way or the other.It’s hard to choose because the introvert/extrovert dichotomy reflects a tired and outdated view of personality. Personality traits exist along a continuum, and the vast majority of us aren’t introverts or extroverts — we fall somewhere in the middle.


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Personality consists of a stable set of preferences and tendencies through which we approach the world. Personality traits form at an early age and are fixed by early adulthood. Many important things about you change over the course of your lifetime, but your personality isn’t one of them.

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.” – Bruce Lee

The continuum between introversion and extroversion captures one of the most important personality traits. It’s troubling that we’re encouraged to categorize ourselves one way or the other because there are critical strengths and weaknesses commonly associated with each type.

Adam Grant at Wharton set out to study this phenomenon, and his findings are fascinating. First, he found that two-thirds of people don’t strongly identify as introverts or extroverts. These people (aka, the vast majority of us) are called ambiverts, who have both introverted and extroverted tendencies. The direction ambiverts lean toward varies greatly, depending on the situation.

Think of introversion and extroversion as a spectrum, with ambiversion lying somewhere in the middle:

Ambiverts have a distinct advantage over true introverts and extroverts. Because their personality doesn’t lean too heavily in either direction, they have a much easier time adjusting their approach to people based on the situation. This enables them to connect more easily, and more deeply, with a wider variety of people.

Grant’s research also disproved the powerful and widely held notion that the best-performing salespeople are extroverts. He found that ambiverts’ greater social flexibility enabled them to outsell all other groups, moving 51 percent more product per hour than the average salesperson. Notice how sales increased as extroversion increased, peaking with those who were just moderately extroverted.

Grant explained the finding this way:

“Because they naturally engage in a flexible pattern of talking and listening, ambiverts are likely to express sufficient assertiveness and enthusiasm to persuade and close a sale, but are more inclined to listen to customers’ interests and less vulnerable to appearing too excited or overconfident.”

How Ambiversion Works in the Brain

How social you are is largely driven by dopamine, the brain’s feel-good hormone. We all have different levels of dopamine-fueled stimulation in the neocortex (the area of the brain that is responsible for higher mental functions such as language and conscious thought). Those who naturally have high levels of stimulation tend to be introverts — they try and avoid any extra social stimulation that might make them feel anxious or overwhelmed. Those with low levels of stimulation tend to be extroverts. Under-stimulation leaves extroverts feeling bored, so they seek social stimulation to feel good.

Most people’s levels of natural stimulation don’t reach great extremes, though it does fluctuate. Sometimes you may feel the need to seek out stimulation, while other times, you may avoid it.

Finding Out Whether You’re An Ambivert

It’s important to pin down where you fall in the introversion/extroversion scale. By increasing your awareness of your type, you can develop a better sense of your tendencies and play to your strengths.

If you think that you might be an ambivert, but aren’t certain, see how many of the following statements apply to you. If most of them apply, you’re most likely an ambivert.

    1. I can perform tasks alone or in a group. I don’t have much preference either way.
    2. Social settings don’t make me uncomfortable, but I tire of being around people too much.
    3. Being the center of attention is fun for me, but I don’t like it to last.
    4. Some people think I’m quiet, while others think I’m highly social.
    5. I don’t always need to be moving, but too much down time leaves me feeling bored.
    6. I can get lost in my own thoughts just as easily as I can lose myself in a conversation.
    7. Small talk doesn’t make me uncomfortable, but it does get boring.
    8. When it comes to trusting other people, sometimes I’m skeptical, and other times, I dive right in.
    9. If I spend too much time alone, I get bored, yet too much time around other people leaves me feeling drained.
    10. The trick to being an ambivert is knowing when to force yourself to lean toward one side of the spectrum when it isn’t happening naturally. Ambiverts with low self-awareness struggle with this. For example, at a networking event, a self-aware ambivert will lean toward the extroverted side of the scale, even when it has been a long day and he or she has had enough of people. Mismatching your approach to the situation can be frustrating, ineffective, and demoralizing for ambiverts.

Bringing It All Together

TalentSmart has conducted research with over a million people and found that those in the upper echelon of performance at work also tend to be highly self-aware (90 percent of them, in fact). By gaining a better sense of where you fall on the introversion/extroversion scale, you can build insight into your tendencies and preferences, which increases your self-awareness and emotional intelligence. This will help you improve your performance.

This article originally appeared on LinkedIn.

The Personality Type That Struggles With Finding Healthy Relationships (And What To Do About It)

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Image by ZOA / Stocksy

When Alicia first met her now-husband of 13 years, she was not into him at all. They worked together at a restaurant after high school, and she decided quickly that he was a jerk because he wouldn’t look at her during their shift.

Maria hates looking at online profiles and finds herself swiping left more than right. There will be one picture in the series that will make her decide that guy is not for her.

Brenda keeps finding herself in a series of three-month relationships. Even though she really likes them in the beginning, there is always something that she discovers that doesn’t end up working for her.

Can you guess what these three women have in common that are making unconscious choices in their love story?

All these women have a “J” in their personality type.

Why J personalities struggle with relationships.

If you’re not familiar, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is a popular personality test that categorizes people into one of 16 different personality types, designated with a four-letter code that describes where they fall on four different psychological spectra: extroversion vs. introversion, sensing vs. intuition, thinking vs. feeling, and judging vs. perceiving.

A person’s position on that fourth dichotomy—judging (J) vs. perceiving (P)—can have a significant impact on a person’s love life in particular. A person with a judging personality (which isn’t to be confused with being judgmental) is someone who likes a structured and predictable life, whereas someone with a perceiving personality is more adaptable and finds themselves choosing a life that is more flexible.

People with a J in their personality usually go for:

  • Things that are decided
  • Lists and tasks
  • Order, structure, and systems
  • Things that are straightforward, black-and-white, clear

Meanwhile, P personality types:

  • Prefer things that are open-ended
  • Are able to adapt to what comes at them
  • Go on their gut
  • Like things in the gray area

“This preference may also be thought of as your orientation to the outer world,” the Myers & Briggs Foundation website explains. “Some people interact with the outside world when they are taking in information. … Other people do their interacting when they are making decisions.” They go on: “When it comes to dealing with the outer world, people who tend to focus on making decisions have a preference for Judging because they tend to like things decided. People who tend to focus on taking in information prefer Perceiving because they stay open to a final decision in order to get more information.”

If you’re a J having trouble finding a relationship that sticks, you need to consider how this structured side of you is creating limitations and not a lot of choices. J personality types find themselves making yes and no decisions in dating very quickly. On dating apps, that can look like finding a picture of the guy in bad jeans in the fourth photo and swiping left because “he is not your type.”

J types may also find themselves making it to the date, and after less than 10 minutes deciding there is no attraction and completely turning off their vibe and charm. Or this pattern of fast decisions can go the opposite way, where J types are 100 percent convinced they found The One, only to be ghosted a few weeks later or, worse, spend months with a guy that isn’t really a good fit.

How to overcome your J.

If you’re someone who identifies with the more judging personality type described above and you’re struggling to find a significant other despite wanting one, here are two solutions for you based on your natural tendency to prefer certainty that will help you have more choices, more fun, and more connection with your future partner.

Try saying “maybe.”

Js naturally tend to make yes or no decisions very quickly, but the good news is that they can learn from the Ps and resist the need to make a quick decision all the time, at least when it comes to getting to know a potential mate. For example, my friend Alicia mentioned above later realized she was wrong to make the assumption that her now-husband was a jerk. He’s actually the nicest guy in the world; he was just shy, and her snap decision could have been the end of a great love story.

Make a quick decision on your coffee order instead, and be more curious about the person in front of you. Humans are complex and layered, and you certainly can’t be seeing the whole of a person in photos nor on a first date. Take a teaspoon of keeping things open-ended and learn to let yourself be surprised.

Be direct with your potential partners.

As a dating and relationship coach, the No. 1 complaint I get from my clients is that they are tired of being the only one planning. This issue causes couples to break up and also potential relationships to not even get off the dating app. When I find out they’re a J personality type, it totally makes sense because Js like to have things decided and hate leaving things open. The Js are tired and become resentful being the one who always reaches out first, makes plans, and organizes the whole date night.

The reality is J personality types are usually attracted unconsciously to P personality types because nature is always seeking balance. When you find yourself in this position, you have a choice. Choice one is to make sure you are picking another J to be in a relationship with. You can ask them directly if they are the kind of person that likes to make plans or wing it (Js usually appreciate and love the question!). Choice two is to understand in advance that Ps do not like decisions, lists, and structured plans like you do. If you choose to enter a relationship with a P personality type, it will be in your best interest to address this potential issue with clear and direct communication between the two of you before it starts to chip away at the good parts that you have together.

INFJ: “16 Signs You’re an INFJ, the World’s Rarest Personality Type” ~ Introvert Dear https://introvertdear.com/news/infj-signs/

via INFJ: “16 Signs You’re an INFJ,  the World’s Rarest Personality Type” — Elusively INFJ

When it comes to relationships, we’re all in or all out. If it’s a fling you’re looking for, don’t waste your time. We tend to steer clear of anything casual, as we are more interested in something long-term.

via 12 Things You Should Absolutely Know About The INFJ In Your Life — Thought Catalog

15 Signs That You’re An Introvert With High-Functioning Anxiety

Author Article

Anxiety is the voice in the back of your head that says, “something bad is going to happen.” It’s what keeps you awake at 2 a.m. thinking about something embarrassing you did — five years ago.

Not all introverts have anxiety, and extroverts and ambiverts can struggle with it, too. To be clear, introversion and anxiety aren’t the same thing. Introversion is defined as a preference for calm, minimally stimulating environments, whereas anxiety is a general term for disorders that cause excessive fear, worrying, and nervousness.

However, for many introverts, anxiety is a regular part of their lives. And indeed, anxiety is more common among introverts than extroverts, according to Dr. Laurie Helgoe.

What Is High-Functioning Anxiety?
Sometimes anxiety is obvious (think: panic attacks and sweaty palms), but that’s not always the case. Many people live with a secret form of anxiety called “high-functioning anxiety.” Outwardly, they appear to have it all together. They may even lead very successful lives. No one can tell from the outside that they’re driven by fear. Sometimes they don’t even realize it themselves.

Do you have high-functioning anxiety? Although not an official diagnosis, high-functioning anxiety is something countless people identify with. It’s closely related to Generalized Anxiety disorder, which affects 6.8 million adults in the U.S., women being twice as likely to experience it as men.

Symptoms of High-Functioning Anxiety
Here are fifteen common symptoms of high-functioning anxiety.

1. You’re always prepared.
Your mind frequently jumps to the worst-case scenario in any given situation. As a result, you may find yourself over-preparing. For example, you might pack underwear and makeup in both your checked luggage and your carry-on, just in case the airline loses your suitcase. People see you as being the reliable one — and often your preparations do come in handy — but few people (if any!) know that your “ready for anything” mentality stems from anxiety.

2. You may be freaking out on the inside, but you’re stoic on the outside.
Interestingly, many people with high-functioning anxiety don’t reveal just how nervous they are, which is another reason why it’s often a secret anxiety. You may have learned to compartmentalize your emotions.

3. You see the world in a fundamentally different way.
Your anxiety isn’t “just in your head.” Researchers from the Weizmann Institute of Science in Israel found that people who are anxious see the world differently than people who aren’t anxious. In the study, anxious people were less able to distinguish between a safe stimulus and one that was earlier associated with a threat. In other words, anxious people overgeneralize emotional experiences — even if they aren’t threatening.

4. You constantly feel the need to be doing something.
Which can be a real problem if you’re an introvert who needs plenty of downtime to recharge. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re attending lots of social events; instead, you may feel a compulsion to always be getting things done or staying on top of things. Staying busy distracts you from your anxiety and gives you a sense of control.

5. You’re outwardly successful.
Achievement-oriented, organized, detail-oriented, and proactive in planning ahead for all possibilities, you may be the picture of success. Problem is, it’s never enough. You always feel like you should be doing more.

6. You’re afraid of disappointing others.
You might be a people-pleaser. You’re so afraid of letting others down that you work hard to make everyone around you happy — even if it means sacrificing your own needs.

7. You chatter nervously.
Even though you’re an introvert who prefers calm and quiet, you chatter on and on — out of nervousness. For this reason, sometimes you’re mistaken for an extrovert.

8. You’ve built your life around avoidance.
You’ve shrunk your world to prevent overwhelm. You stick to routines and familiar experiences that give you a sense of comfort and control; you avoid intense emotional experiences like travel, social events, conflict, or anything else that might trigger your anxiety.

9. You’re prone to rumination and overthinking.
You do a lot of negative self-talk. You often replay past mistakes in your mind, dwell on scary “what if” scenarios, and struggle to enjoy the moment because you’re expecting the worst. Sometimes your mind races and you can’t stop it.

10. You’re a perfectionist.
You try to calm your worries by getting your work or your appearance just right. This can bring positive results, but it comes at a cost. You may have an “all-or-nothing” mentality (“If I’m not the best student, then I’m the worst”). You may have unrealistic expectations of yourself, and a catastrophic fear of falling short of them.

11. You have aches, repetitive habits, or tics.
According to psychotherapist Annie Wright, your anxiety might manifest physically in your body as frequent muscle tension or aches. Similarly, you might unconsciously pick at the skin around your nails, tap your foot, scratch your scalp, or do other repetitive things that get your nervous energy out — even if you appear composed in other ways.

12. You’re tired all the time.
Your mind is always going, so you have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Even when you sleep well, you feel tired during the day, because dealing with a constant underlying level of anxiety is exhausting.

13. You startle easily.
That’s because your nervous system is in over-drive. A slammed door, an ambulance siren, or other unexpected sounds really rattle you.

14. You get irritated and stressed easily.
You’re living with constant low-level stress, so even minor problems or annoyances have the power to frazzle you.

15. You can’t “just stop it.”
Anxiety isn’t something you can tell yourself to just stop doing. In fact, the above-mentioned researchers from the Weizmann Institute of Science found that people who are anxious have somewhat different brains than people who aren’t anxious. They noted that people can’t control their anxious reactions, due to a fundamental brain difference. (However, you can learn to cope with your anxiety and greatly lessen it — see the resources below).

Should You Listen To Music While Doing Intellectual Work? It Depends On The Music, The Task, And Your Personality

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GettyImages-1070179830.jpg
People more prone to boredom performed better without background music

By Christian Jarrett

Given how many of us listen to music while studying or doing other cerebral work, you’d think psychology would have a set of clear answers as to whether the practice is likely to help or hinder performance. In fact, the research literature is rather a mess (not that that has deterred some enterprising individuals from making bold claims).

There’s the largely discredited “Mozart Effect” – the idea that listening to classical music can boost subsequent IQ, except that when first documented in the 90s the effect was on spatial reasoning specifically, not general IQ. Also, since then the finding has not replicated, or it has proven weak and is probably explained as a simple effect of music on mood or arousal on performance. And anyway, that’s about listening to music and then doing mental tasks, rather than both simultaneously. Other research on listening to music while we do mental work has suggested it can be distracting (known as the “irrelevant sound effect”), especially if we’re doing mental arithmetic or anything that involves holding information in the correct order in short-term memory.

Now, in the hope of injecting more clarity and realism into the literature, Manuel Gonzalez and John Aiello have tested the common-sense idea that the effects of background music on mental task performance will depend on three things: the nature of the music, the nature of the task, and the personality of the person. “We hope that our findings encourage researchers to adopt a more holistic, interactionist approach to investigate the effects of music (and more broadly, distractions) on task performance,” they write in their new paper in Journal of Experimental Psychology: Applied.

The researchers recruited 142 undergrads (75 per cent were women) and asked them to complete two mental tasks. The simpler task involved finding and crossing out all of the letter As in a sample of text. The more complex task involved studying lists of word pairs and then trying to recall the pairs when presented with just one word from each pair.

Each task was performed while listening to one of two versions of a piece of elevator-style instrumental music – composed for the research – or no music. One version of the music was more complex than the other, featuring additional bass and drum tracks (both versions are available via the Open Science Framework). Also, depending on the precise experimental condition, the music was either quiet or louder (62 or 78 decibels). The participants also completed part of the “boredom proneness scale” to establish whether they were the kind of person who likes plenty of external stimulation or not (as measured by their agreement with statements like “it takes a lot of change and variety to keep me really happy”).

Participants’ performance was explained by an interaction between the task, the music, and their preference for external stimulation. When performing the simpler task, participants not prone to boredom did better while listening to complex music than simple music or no music, whereas boredom prone participants showed the opposite pattern, performing better with no music at all or simple music. In terms of volume, the low boredom prone were better with quiet complex music, whereas the boredom prone did better with louder complex music.

The researchers’ explanation is that for low boredom people who aren’t so keen on external stimulation, the quieter, more complex music provided just enough distraction to stop them from mind wandering from the simple task, thus boosting their task focus and performance. In contrast, the more boredom prone participants who like external stimulation tuned in too much to the complex music and were overly distracted by it, thus performing worse than when working in silence.

For the more complex task, the precise nature of the music (its complexity and volume) made no difference to results. But people low in boredom proneness benefited from having any kind of music in the background (the researchers aren’t sure why, but perhaps there were mood or arousal-based benefits not measured in this study), whereas once again the boredom prone folk with a preference for external stimulation again actually performed better with no music.

Though these findings may seem counterintuitive, the researchers’ explanation is that, for boredom prone people, the complex task provided adequate stimulation and background music interfered with this productive engagement. Supporting this interpretation, the more boredom prone participants outperformed their less boredom prone peers at the task in the no-music condition (and at an earlier, baseline cognitive test), suggesting they engaged better with the tasks (the researchers additionally noted that this result challenges the way that boredom as an emotion is usually seen as a bad thing, suggesting “it can predict constructive outcomes, such as better complex task performance”).

If you consider yourself as prone to boredom and craving of external stimulation, a tentative implication of these findings – bearing in mind they are preliminary – is that you might be better off studying or do other cerebral work without music in the background, at least not music that is too complex. On the other hand, if you are less craving of stimulation, then paradoxically some background music could boost your performance. As the researchers stated: “we offer evidence against the commonly held belief that distractions like music will always harm task performance.” They added, “our findings suggest that the relationship between music and task performance is not ‘one-size-fits-all’. In other words, music does not appear to impair or benefit performance equally for everyone.”

Part of the problem with interpreting the results is in the ambiguity of the aspect of boredom proneness that the researchers looked at – “preference for external stimulation”. Past research has generally considered boredom proneness to be associated with less desirable aspects of personality, such as having less self-control and being more impetuous, and this could fit with the idea that boredom prone participants in this research were more distracted by background music. However, as mentioned, the participants scoring higher on “preference for external stimulation” generally performed better at the tasks, thus raising questions about what aspect of personality and/or mental aptitude was really being tapped by this measure. It doesn’t help matters that there was no direct measure of attentional control and focus in the study. (In terms of other relevant personality traits, prior research has found that introverts are more distracted than extraverts by highly arousing music).

Other obvious limitations include the question of how much the featured tasks resemble real-life challenges, and the fact that people often listen to music they know and like rather than unfamiliar, instrumental music.

Still, it’s laudable that the current research attempted to consider how various factors interact in explaining the effect of music on mental performance. Gonzalez and John Aiello concluded, “we hope our research will serve as a starting point for more systematic investigation of music.”

More than meets the ear: Investigating how music affects cognitive task performance

Christian Jarrett (@Psych_Writer) is Editor of BPS Research Digest

How An INFJ Travels

Author Article

an INFJ makes travel plans
Lately, I’ve been obsessed with Myers-Briggs personality types (as many of my close friends and coworkers can tell you!). The MBTI, a personality inventory based on the work of C. G. Jung, is not a perfect system, and of course, a test will never be able to completely define who you are. Nevertheless, it’s been an immensely helpful tool in understanding myself better.I’m an INFJ, the rarest of the 16 personality types. This sensitive and emotional introverted personality makes up only 1-2 percent of the population and is described by 16 Personalities as “quiet and mystical, yet very inspiring and tireless idealists.” Those who know me well would dispute the “quiet” part, but for the most part, reading descriptions of the INFJ was scarily accurate. It felt like someone was reaching into my brain and explaining my thoughts, mindset, and struggles more eloquently than I have ever been able to do.

(What’s your personality type? We recommend this free personality assessment.)

INFJs are known as both dreamers and doers, the ones who think big and also follow through on their dreams and goals. For me, that big goal is traveling to 100 countries before age 100 and helping other young professionals travel better and cheaper through my blog MeWantTravel. Based on my personal experience and my research about INFJs, here’s a glimpse into how this personality type travels.

How an INFJ Travels

1. Despite being “extroverted” introverts, we will still need alone time.

For the introvert, alone time is absolutely necessary. If you’re traveling with extroverts, they may not understand why you need to disappear into your room and recharge after a busy day of sightseeing, but I’m here to tell you that it’s perfectly okay to ask for that time. After you recharge, you’ll essentially be a better you. So tell your extroverted friends that they will like you more for it!

2. Deep, meaningful conversations are key.

INFJs crave meaning in all that they do, and relationships are no exception. Conversations of substance — not just small talk — are very important to us, and we may find that speaking to locals is both eye-opening and crucial to truly experiencing a new place. For me, the more I travel, the more I realize that people everywhere are the same at their core. Though we may look different and speak different languages, we all have fears, dreams, and people we deeply cherish. We can choose to find common ground and stand together, or we can choose to be divided and separated by our differences. As INFJs, we will always be in favor of — and push for — the first option.

3. We may want to write about our travels.

INFJs are highly creative, especially when it comes to working with words. And when we travel, we often want to somehow creatively capture what we’re experiencing, whether it’s through the written word, art, or something else. This helps us reflect on our experiences, and as INFJs, we love optimizing, learning, and personal growth. In terms of journals, I personally love ones that are small and easy to carry around in your backpack or purse, so I can jot down notes or ideas as they strike me. And who knows, when you write down those personal recollections or draw that stunning view, it may just be the beginning of your memoir.

4. Whenever possible, we aim for the “local” experience.

This may mean dining at local hidden gems and skipping some of the “must see” tourist traps. It may also mean staying in Airbnbs or hostels as opposed to hotels because it gives us an opportunity to learn about the culture by staying with a local, and it gives us a guaranteed chance to meet other folks. A paradox of the INFJ is that we’re genuinely interested in (and fascinated by) other people — so much that we’re mistaken for extroverts. But we truly are introverts who need that precious downtime. Having a private room in a hostel or Airbnb home is the perfect way to get the best of both worlds.

5. Being “judgers,” planning is a must.

As a “judging” personality, we INFJs like to know what we’re doing in advance and where we’re sleeping, and we may or may not have a pre-researched list of all the places we want to go, eat, and explore (okay, we probably will have that list!). There’s little that stresses out an INFJ more than having to make rapid-fire decisions on the fly. Meanwhile, “perceiving” personalities, like the INFP or ISTP, feel more comfortable going with the flow and being spontaneous. For them, it might even be fun to roll into a new city with no solid plans and discover what they’ll do and where they’ll stay as it strikes them.


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6. Use your “chameleon” abilities to your advantage.

INFJs are chameleons who can adapt to pretty much any social situation, because we’re tuned into social norms and expectations, and we read others well. This can be draining, however, because it means you’re constantly assessing and reassessing the room. This radar is part of who we INFJs are, and it’s not something we can easily turn off. But one thing I’ve learned the hard way is not to sacrifice social harmony at the expense of myself!

INFJ, take care of yourself; know that even though people may misunderstand you, this doesn’t make your feelings or thoughts invalid. Continue to be the INFJ boss that you are and take pride in your uniqueness — and then go out there and experience all those exotic places you’ve been dreaming about!

If You Have This Personality Trait, Chances Are You’re an Ideal Travel Companion

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By Andrea Romano

Curious about what makes someone great to travel with? Turns out, you might already have what it takes.

new survey from Curio Collection by Hilton found that curiosity is the most desired trait that travelers look for in their companions.

Sixty-four percent of survey respondents described the perfect travel companion as someone who is curious. In addition, 65 percent consider a spouse or significant other as the best travel partner for new experiences, while 25 percent would prefer to travel alone.

Respondents to the study also shared how curiosity motivates the way they travel. About 91 percent of respondents described themselves as curious, and 60 percent of people said they believe they are more curious than the average person. At the same time, 53 percent said they want to be more open to new experiences. Curiouser and curiouser.

WATCH: These Are the U.S. Airlines Least Likely to Lose or Damage Your Bags

These Are the U.S. Airlines Least Likely to Lose or Damage Your Bags
Having your luggage get lost or damaged during a trip can make for a stressful vacation.

The study also measured how many travelers prioritize exploration on their trips, with 55 percent of respondents saying they primarily want to explore, rather than relax, on vacation.

Fifty-seven percent of travelers wish they could spend more time exploring the things that pique their curiosity, including “visiting ancient ruins, eating dinner at a well-regarded restaurant, or experiencing a safari.”

12 Ways Introverts Are The Most Confusing People You’ll Ever Meet

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By Andrea Davis

Introverts get a bad rap. When someone finds out you’re an introvert, a lot of times they automatically assume you don’t like people or being social or that you’re painfully shy. And while those all may be somewhat true, there’s a lot more to you than that.

While introvert personality traits typically include shyness and awkwardness, what’s really hiding beneath the surface?
1. Being super private yet dying to share what’s on your mind with others.

An introvert is usually a very private person and they don’t reveal many things about their personal life with others. But, deep down they really are just waiting for somebody to ask them questions pertaining to life.

2. Projecting a calm exterior while completely falling apart on the inside.

You’re great at hiding your feelings from others. It’s hard for anyone to read what you’re thinking. You put on an act as if everything is just fine when really, your entire world is running haywire.

3. Wanting to stay home alone, yet wanting to go out and be the life of the party.

You love having your alone time and personal space. So, a quiet Friday night at home is ultimately your idea of a perfect night. But, you often dream of being out and about in crowds of people. When the opportunity arises to do that, you quickly snap out of la la land and retreat back into your shell.

4. Being known as the fun, crazy one when you’re around close friends, but being known as the shy and quiet one when you’re around strangers.

And really that’s because only a select few know your true, raw personality.

5. Wanting to hang out with your significant other or friend in the same room but not wanting to actually be social with them.

You’ve had enough social interaction for the day and want some peace and quiet but still want them to be in your vicinity.

6. Being absolutely hysterical and clever while texting or messaging someone online but super awkward and skittish when meeting in real life.

7. Having so many deep thoughts you want to share but never knowing how to say them out loud.

Very few people can understand the thoughts in your head, because TBH sometimes you can’t even understand them yourself.

8. Knowing the answer to a question the teacher asked but you wouldn’t be caught dead actually raising your hand.

The thought of everyone looking at you while you speak is not only terrifying, it’s unthinkable.

9. Wanting to do everything solo so you don’t have to deal with people, but still not wanting to be lonely.

You are perfectly content doing things on your own, but sometimes you get lonely. Loneliness will strike out of the blue. And although you choose to do things by yourself, sometimes all you crave is the company from another person.

10. Wanting to be consoled when you’re upset but wanting to be left alone at the same time.

You like the idea that people are there for you in times of need, but want them to comfort you from afar.

11. Craving deep, profound connections with others, but always finding it difficult to actually open up to them.

You’re someone who wants to make connections that are meaningful, but you can’t seem to give that part of yourself away to someone else.

12. You love being spontaneous but secretly have the need to plan everything out first.

Being free-spirited may be in your blood, but you still have the desire to plan things out before making moves. That means staying in control while simultaneously allowing the universe guide your way.

The Best Plants For You Based On Your Personality Type

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By Erin Magner

Personality quizzes aren’t just a fun way to procrastinate when you’re on deadline for a big project. (Note to my editors: I never do this.) In reality, they can actually give you some pretty valuable insight into living your best life, from your ideal career path to your biggest relationship dealbreakers to the kinds of plants that are best suited for you.
That last one may sound kinda trivial, I know. But your personality is actually a really key thing to consider when choosing a leafy green friend to share your space. “Personality type definitely plays a part in what kind plant parent someone is,” says Joyce Mast, resident “plant mom” at online houseplant shop Bloomscape. “Be honest with yourself about how much time you can and want to devote to caring for your plants.” Think of it like getting a pet. For instance, if you’re a clean freak, you probably wouldn’t get a long-haired dog—and, similarly, you probably shouldn’t get a plant that’s going to shed its leaves everywhere.

Luckily, says Mast, there’s a perfect plant out there for everyone, no matter what your individual quirks are. I asked her to recommend a few varieties for each of the four personality archetypes that scientists have recently claimed we all fit into. The first thing you’ll want to do is take this quiz to find out where you land on the spectrums of extraversion, openness, neuroticism, conscientiousness, and agreeableness. Then, armed with your “Big 5” traits, read on to meet your perfect soil-mate. (Sorry, had to.)

Have your “Big 5” personality test results ready? Here’s what they say about your plant parenting style.

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Graphic: Well+Good Creative

Role Models

Highly extroverted, open-minded, agreeable, and conscientious; not very neurotic

Role models are happy-go-lucky people with a creative streak, who are curious and love to try new things. In short, they’re not the type to want the same ol’ philodendron that everyone else has. “I’d recommend a plant that matches the role model’s colorful and exuberant personality,” says Mast. “However, this personality type is a social butterfly, so plants that are easy to care for are ideal to make room for all those nights out.”

A role model’s perfect kinds of plants:

  • Mast loves stromanthe triostar for a role model because it’s “large, colorful, and low-maintenance—guaranteed to be a conversation starter at the next cocktail party.”
  • Dracaena Janet Craig is another great option for this type, thanks to its “dynamic and eye-catching tufts of green.” (It also happens to be one of the “it” houseplants for 2019.)
  • Okay, so monsteras may not be so exotic anymore, but Mast feels like role models would still dig ’em for their larger-than-life vibes. “These dramatic, and fast-growing plants will be the envy of everyone,” she says.
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Average

Highly neurotic, extroverted, agreeable, and conscientious; not very open 

Average personality types are similar to role models in many ways, except that they’re not quite as drawn to unusual things. They’re also the most neurotic of all the types, which means they’re extra prone to stress. Essentially, says Mast, they should look for a plant that won’t add to their agita. “Plants that maintain their green and that don’t drop leaves are best for this traditional personality type, so the plant life stays enjoyable and doesn’t become a source of anxiety,” she explains.

An average type’s perfect kinds of plants: 

  • Parlor palms are a good choice for average types because they’re super adaptable. “This plant always looks lush, and will make even the most neurotic person feel like an amazing plant parent,” Mast says.
  • Conscientious average types aren’t the kind to forget about watering their plants. That’s why Mast recommends the bird’s nest fern. “It has lovely, showy foliage and this personality type will enjoy misting it regularly,” she says.
  • For timeless good looks, hedgehog aloe is a classic pick that’ll thrive without much effort, says Mast. (Just make sure to put it in a sunny spot.)
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Self-Centered

Highly extroverted; below average in openness, agreeableness, conscientiousness, and neuroticism

No shame whatsoever if you fall under this category—it just means that you know exactly what you want and your plants need to live by your rules. So if you want to put one in a certain corner, that’s where it’s going to go, no matter how much light it gets. “For self-centered people, we recommend tried-and-true plants that are highly adaptable to different conditions and will thrive anywhere this personality type wants to put them,” says Mast.

A self-centered type’s perfect kinds of plants:

  • Spider plants get top marks for self-centered types because they’re “adaptable, easy to care for, and a timeless classic,” says Mast.
  • For a plant that’ll adapt to pretty much any light condition and requires very little care, Mast recommends going for a strikingly cool sansevieria, or snake plant.
  • Philodendron Brasil is another mellow option that doesn’t need a ton of attention from a self-centered owner—and its trailing vines are “exceptionally Instagrammable,” says Mast.
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Reserved

Low in extroversion, agreeableness, neuroticism, openness; slightly more conscientious than average 

If you’re a textbook introvert who prides yourself on being responsible, you can take on a slightly more hard-to-care-for plant. And you might even enjoy it, according to Mast. “Plants that require a bit more care, but are also fast growing will help the reserved person feel accomplished and rewarded,” she says.

A reserved type’s perfect kinds of plants: 

  • Red prayer plants aren’t hard to care for, but they need to be misted on the reg—so they need an owner who spends a decent amount of time at home. But don’t worry, it’ll be worth the effort. “This fast-growing plant will be a constant source of happiness as it thrives,” Mast says.
  • The fiddle leaf fig is another plant that demands lots of love. Not only does it require very specific light conditions, but it also needs loads of misting and watering. Yet according to Mast, “when it’s happy, its large glossy leaves and new growth really make the extra care worthwhile.” Hey, reserved types clock a lot of hygge nights at home—may as well make them a little lusher.
  • “The bird of paradise loves to be misted, and its large leaves need to be dusted and wiped down regularly,” says Mast. The reward:  You’ll feel like you’re on a South African vacay (where this plant is from), every day.

If you’re more of a Myers-Briggs fan, here’s how others see you and how you manage stress, according to your personality type.  

 

HELP YOUR HOUSEPLANTS GET PROPERLY LIT WITH A SUPER PRETTY DIY GROW LIGHT


Thumbnail for Help your houseplants get properly lit with a super pretty DIY grow light

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Photo: Stocksy/Nikita Sursin

This winter has been particularly rough for my indoor jungle. My prized monstera, once thriving and cheerful, is now droopy and depressed. With limited sunlight throughout the day, even through South-facing windows of my apartment, I can only do so much to give my plants what they need. Needless to say, I was thrilled to find out that you can fake it with a DIY grow light. Easier to construct than I expected, a grow light will mimic the sun, bathing my plants in all the brightness they deserve.
Grow lights can be expensive, not to mention ugly. While I want my plants to be healthy, I’m averse to the idea of dropping hundreds of dollars on an eyesore. But Adam Besheer, co-owner of the botanic design company Greenery NYC, has a genius solution. You’ll find his indoor vertical gardens and green walls throughout New York City—all of which depend on grow lights to stay healthy.

“Plants require certain wavelengths of light to grow, and different wavelengths cause different grow patterns. Too much can burn them, but too little and they starve to death,” he tells me. “Grow lights still aren’t as good as sunlight—they still aren’t able to cover the breadth of wavelengths emitted by a burning mass of hydrogen we can’t really conceive the size of. But they’re a great substitute.”

How to build a DIY grow light

When creating your own grow light, there are a few things to consider, such as the aesthetics and the kind of light it will emit. According to Besheer, you can DIY a version that will actually complement your home with something as affordable as a lamp you already own or one from Ikea. (A lamp that hangs over the plants provides plenty of direct light.) You just need to screw in a suitable light bulb, available for about $15 on Amazon, and voilà—it’s done.

“The important thing for a standard grow light is that it’s labelled as a grow light. The brightness you need to keep plants alive isn’t something normal light bulbs are manufactured for,” he says. “LED screw-in bulbs have just become widely available that have a relative intensity that’s good for plants, but to really know, you’ll need to measure the light yourself.”

How to know if your plants are getting enough light

To make sure your plant is getting the exact amount of light it needs, you can measure it using a light meter (which runs for around $20 on Amazon), or you can use the Light Meter app on your phone, which Besheer says gets pretty close to what the actual meter reads. The result will be shown in “foot candles” (or FC), and different plants require different ranges.

On the Greenery NYC website, you can group plants by light requirement: Low-light options like snake plants and pothos require 25 to 75 FC, medium-light plants like monsteras and dracaenas require 75 to 150 FC, and high-light plants like fiddle leaf figs and haworthias require 150+ FC. As for how long they should spend basking in the LED light’s glow every day, Besheer’s go-to is between 10 to 12 hours.

With a little help from a DIY grow light, your indoor plants will be thriving once more. Honestly, I might grab my happy light and sit right there next to ’em.

 

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